About this site

Hello. Welcome to the spiritual home of the Bloody Indian. Please be warned that this toxic waste site contains offensive and explicit language, sweeping generalisations and blatant cynicism. Surfer discretion is advised.

A good place to begin would be with the Frequently Uttered Questions (FUQs). If you're not Indian, may I suggest the Whitewash page?

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Typecasting
The Bloody Indians described on this site are divided into standard issue and prime grade. These people usually respond in very different ways to a situation, for example travelling abroad.

The standard-issue Bloody Indian goes abroad and talks only to other Indians. He or she will eat only rice and daal cooked in the communal kitchen where Bloody Indians gather. They complain about foreigners, their loose women, their dirty ways and their disgusting food. They will, however, religiously and respectfully put away these foreigners’ high-exchange-rate money every month.

The prime-grade Bloody Indian will go abroad and get a full-blown accent on the walk from the plane to immigration (some even get one on takeoff, and some of the worst offenders get one even before they’ve left home). They suck up to all the Westerners they meet and try very hard to prove to them that Indians are just Westerners in disguise.

The grading is not, however, to suggest quality differences. Standard issue is tough and hard to swallow, but is at least honest and down-to-earth. Prime grade seems tender and nicely marbled, but has actually gone off, as you’ll discover once you start to chew. As a result, standard issue might make you angry, but unlike prime grade, will not make you sick.

There’s a certain kind of prime grade that is even more rarified – the “faq-yu” beef of Bloody Indians as it were. These people are very pointedly don’t get an accent, are studiedly unimpressed by everything they see, very pointedly know their blue cheese from their armpits and are oh-so-blatantly Indian in their khadi and deep knowledge of Carnatic music.

These usually are people who need to be slapped hard in the face. With earth-moving equipment.