Home and away

Some Bloody Indians are very different people when they travel abroad. Here are some situations in which reactions at home are at odds with the ones in distant lands.

Beggars
In India: “Eh poda thendi. Get lost!! Bloody beggars are such a nuisance. They should all be
shot.”
Abroad: “Oh look, a homeless man – so sad no? Oh yes, there’s a lot of poverty in India too, but I think that’s a good thing because it gives you a sense of place. When you see an armless woman holding a headless baby at a traffic light, it give you a chance to do something for humanity. It’s so humbling. Come let’s give that poor man some coins.”

Licences
In India: “Look at that idiot driving like that. I tell you, the RTO will give licences to any goat that pays money.”
Abroad: “Eh I’ve failed my driving test here 60 times. In India the system is so good men, I can just pay 200 rupees and I’ll get a licence.”

Efficiency
In India: “To get one bank draft I have to talk to 20 people? Get with the times you good-for-nothing inefficient bastards.”
Abroad: “Chee chee chee – look at this... machines to do all the work in two minutes. There’s no human interaction, that’s why these people are like this – so unstable.”

Traffic lights
In India: “Go go go!! Who cares – red, green, blue – just go! Cut him, cut cut cut. Kill the
bugger.”
Abroad: “I know it’s green. I’m just slowing down in case anybody else wants to go. You should be polite on the road.”

Waiters
In India: “Tss tss! Ai! Come here you! Yes, you bloody fellow – look at this, my soup is not hot. Take it back. TAKE IT BACK NOW! I’LL KICK YOU, DONKEY.”
Abroad: “Excuse me please ma’am? If you don’t mind ma’am, pardon me for saying so and being so bold, but my vegetarian pasta has pieces of bloody meat in it. And a caterpillar. I’m so sorry to disturb you miss, but you see, I am a stricccct vegetarian. Yes madam. No no, don’t change it ma’am. I just thought I’d tell you.”