Directions

Directions to a party “in abroad”

Inviter: “Okay, you have a pen and paper?”

Invitee: “Yes, go ahead.”

“Okay, first take Highway 7 South, exit at Calvin Street, that’s exit number 56. Turn right, go through two lights. Turn left at Hazelnut. Turn right at Greenwood. Take the second right onto Culver. The house is number 5416 about half way down on the left.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you at eight.”

“Excellent, see you there.”

Directions to a party in India

Invitee: “One sec, I’ll just get a pen and paper.”

Inviter: “Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo?”

“Yeah I’m back.”

“Ah very good, very good. You have penpaper?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll tell you now? You’ll write?”

“Yes tell me.”

“First you come down that straight road near the place we went last month – remember? When you bought that suitcase? Which one? Ah that one. You come straaaaaaaaiiiiight down that road. No left, no right, straaaaaaiiiiiiiiight you come. Okay? Ah, then, there will be one police fellow standing there – and one big junction. Go straaaaaight only. Then there will one big left turn with a shop with many many tubelights selling clothes. The shop is called… ah… MALATHI? MALATHI? WHAT IS THAT SHOP CALLED? THAT ONE ONLY, THAT CLOTHES SHOP. AH OKAY. The shop is called Sister Bakery. What? Yes yes, clothes shop only. Don’t take that left turn, go straaaaaiiiiight. There will be one right turn with one tree on the corner, a Gulmohur tree with one yellow metal sign on it saying “English Tooshans”. Don’t take that. You go go go go go and then you will pass one white building. What? No no no, there is only one white building. The others are white, but they are dirty. This is one clean white building. When you pass that white building, there will be one small shop on the right side. Right side. There is one right turn there. Riiight opposite that, there is one left turn, near one tree. Take that. Yes yes left. Then you go straaaaaaiiiiiiiight until you reach one bridge. Two turns before that bridge is one left turn next to one big complex. Turn there. Okay? No no, the road name is different, I don’t know… it is the road with the big tree on the corner. Then you come straight and there will be one two three cows standing there. After the black cow, there is one right turn – don’t take that. There will be one more right turn and then one left turn. Go straight. Then when you see one school on the right side, you should turn left into one gully. Go through that gully and then you will come into one big field. Take a right turn near one big bush and over the field onto one more road. Then you turn left and you will see one house with a black gate. There are many houses with black gate, but this one will have one blue Bajaj scooter under one tarpaulin inside the garage. Okay? Very good.”

“Okay great, I’ll see you after eight.”

“No no no, this is not my house. This is my aunty’s house. My house is little difficult. You go knock and my cousin will come and take you to my house. It is very closeby.”

“Errr… okay I’ll see you after eight.”

“Okay… one minute minute. That road I told you no? With the tree? It may be closed. If it is closed you just go on the flyover and turn right. My cousin’s house is there only. Okay?”

“Okay…”