Eveteasing

Most men around the world fantasise about going to bed with two women. Any two women. The Bloody Indian fantasises about going to bed with a blonde woman. One will do.

There are many possible explanations. One of them is that the first naked women the average Bloody Indian sees are usually white: Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler. Their youthful shock at these anatomical revelations becomes intertwined with teenage lust, and these images become part of the ultimate pink-nippled fantasy.

It’s a funny thing though, I don’t believe Indian porn will work. Bloody Indian men shout and whistle at women on the street, but if they see an Indian girl in pornography, they say “Tch tch tch. What kind of family does this girl come from? Imagine her parents, how bad they will feel. Chee chee chee chee.”

Bloody Indian men like passivity in women. If you’re standing on a bus minding your own business, then you are fair game for a pinch in the bum. If you isolate one of these guys and confront him, you’ll find that his bravado melts away. If you tell him, “Hey, actually you’re quite cute – and I think your wolf whistling is really sexy” he will go limp and start to dissolve. He will look scared, glance around for his friends and say something like, “Blhabubablahbubbub”.

If you continue to advance, he’ll probably start crying and calling for his mummy. Bloody Indians are sexual cowards – they operate in groups.

Touchy feely
Bloody Indian men touch each other a lot. In fact, the average Westerner can be forgiven for thinking that India is the centre of rampant queerdom because Bloody Indian men have their hands all over each other all the time. They play punching and pinching games. They walk hand in hand, and with their arms around each other. They’ll hold each other tight on their little mopeds as they ride through town and whistle at girls. They think this makes them look virile beyond compare.

The serious side is that things can get bad for girls in India. Especially if they’re not covered from head to toe. In fact, many girls involved in molestation incidents get the blame simply because they were wearing something deemed “revealing”, or “provocative”. Bloody Indian men think that short skirt = loose = fair game for a little fondle.

However, in many instances, just being a woman is cause enough. There are places (the streets of Delhi for one) where if you want to be left alone you should contemplate being dead on a hearse. This doesn’t mean that you won’t get your bottom pinched, it’s just that your rigor mortis may prevent them getting a good grip.

Bloody Indians have a quaint, almost comforting word for sexual harassment and molestation – they call it eveteasing. Sounds like something relaxing to do after dinner. “Honey, I’m just going out for a spot of eveteasing with the guys.”

“Okay, don’t be long. And don’t be too hard on those girls yeah?”

If you’re inclined to use the word, please stop. Call it what it is.