Sense of humour

It is often said that Bloody Indians have no sense of humour. That’s not true – they do have one, it’s just that it’s a vestigial part sitting on a useless bit of a half-used excretory organ.

It is often woken up by puerile, over-the-top humour that is showcased in many Indian movies and TV shows. Many Bloody Indians are threatened and turned off by sarcasm and cynicism. On the internet, they love sweet pudding darling sites and emails – ones in which they can heave their bosoms about flowers, trade e-hugs and bat their eyelids against each other’s backs for a job well done.

(“Consider that through history India has never invaded another country blah blah.” India has never invaded another country through history because it never got itself together long enough to do so.)

Anyway, consider the following:
1) The 100% American is 99% idiot.
- - - George Bernard Shaw

2) I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark.
- - - Duncan Spaeth

3) German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.
- - - Willy Rushton

4) The Japanese have perfected good manners and made them indistinguishable from rudeness.
- - - Paul Theroux

5) Indians are the anthropomorphic spam of the new millenium.
- - - BloodyIndian.com

If you are a true Bloody Indian, your response will be as follows:

1) Hahahahahahaha. Bloody Americans.
2) Hehehehehehehe. Bloody Brits.
3) Hohohohohohoho. Damned Germans.
4) Huhuhuhuhuhuhu. Crazy Japanese.
5) WHAATDHABLOODYFUCK? DON’T BLOODY TALK ABOUT INDIA LIKE THIS. SHOW SOME RESPECT OKAY, FUCKING ARSEHOLE. YOU THINK YOU’RE SOME GREAT FELLOW EH? YOU THINK YOU’RE SOME FUCKING GORA? BLOODY KALLU – YOU LOOK AT YOUR OWN ASS AND TALK, FUCKING GHANDU, FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING.

Prime-grade reactions
The prime-grade Bloody Indian responds extremely well to dry humour and wit. British humour is prized, PG Wodehouse is known by heart. But usually even the merest semblance of wit is enough to get them started.

Go to a book reading or a play and you will see several of these people. They are the ones who laugh loudly to show the people around them that they understand the jokes. Then they’ll look at each other and nod in appreciation. Some of them (usually the ones sitting right behind you) repeat the lines with a laugh to make absolutely bloody sure that you all know they got it. “Yes, yes woman – what do you want now? A prize?”

These people spend more time showing each other that they appreciate and enjoy what’s going on then actually appreciating or enjoying what’s going on.