English is often lost for words in India. And so, inspired by the Germans, who have words for everything (consider Schadenfreude, zeitgeist, angst, kitsch and wanderlust), here are some Bloody Indians and their ways that we desperately need descriptors for:
– The chap who stands the instant the plane comes to a halt and remains there for 20 minutes, head pressed against shoulder by the overhead locker.
– The one goat at a departure lounge who’ll make everybody nervous by standing right next to the exit. Before him or her, everybody was relaxing, reading, chatting – suddenly a “queue” (see queueing story) starts forming and there’s tension in the air.
– Old people who wear sneakers with musty navy-blue blazers for airline travel.
– The overestimation of a waiter’s rudeness or inefficiency to excuse not leaving a tip.
– The (occasionally fulfilled) desire to snatch your tip away from the table as you walk out.
– The overcharging of a captive audience – such as the Rs.250 burgers in the Mumbai international airport transit lounge that wouldn’t feed a five-year-old. In fact, the burger with the toothpick and cherry on top should stand for the general meanness of owners of coffee shops in India.
– An inability to decide on the ratio of jeera powder to dhania powder and just stick to it.
– Women who wear jogging shoes with saris.
– Women who fondly believe their soaked salwar kameezes offer them modesty when they enter the sea.
– The tongue click made when eating something sour.
– In inability to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ just once. Usually said rapidly in bursts of seven or eight.
Can you think of any more?
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